Greenawalt County Social Code of Conduct
Greenawalt County is committed to preserving the quality of our community. Our guidelines are intended to protect you from menaces to society, such as unsavory or disagreeable animals, vehicles, properties, signs, pests, diseases, art, litter, viewpoints, public nuisances, and now, people.
A social society is a healthy society. You are receiving this notice for a violation of our Social Code of Conduct:
1. Smiles are to be maintained at a width of 8 inches or more at all times.
2. Greetings are to be returned promptly and cordially. Failure to return a greeting may result in charges of rudeness.
3. Eye contact is to be maintained for the duration of the conversation, with no less than 0.5 second interruption.
4. Interest in what the other person is saying is to be demonstrated by nods and eye contact. Lack of compliance will signify boredom and will be subject to a $50 fine.
5. Audible – Verbal speech must measure at least 70 decibels. Noncompliance shall indicate disrespect and/or mental deficiency.
6. Expression – Facial expressions that appear angry, sad, or intense are strictly prohibited. Natural facial expressions shall be at minimum, contented or neutral.
7. Respect – Police, security, and other authority figures are entitled to confront or intimidate you and receive prompt, verbal responses. Failure to comply shall be treated as disrespect and subject to criminal charges.
8. Stims and unusual noises are to be kept under control and out of sight so as not to incite fear among the general populace.
9. Emotional stability – Sudden, unexplainable outbursts are prohibited and shall indicate an act of rebellion or threat to the public at large.
10. Sociability – Humans are social creatures. The silent loner is undesirable by the mainstream majority. All citizens must supply proof they have not less than five (5) friends, as evidenced by regularly engaging in social activities with said friends.
Maybe it wasn't.
Matt, that was hilarious!
ReplyDeleteHilarious, and at the same time scary!!
ReplyDeleteReally, it was.
I would run so far away from any place/group/etc that would be insane enough to post such inane rules. Eek. At least I would not be in violation of code #5... they'd hear me screaming from a mile away!!!
Chris
Thanks Julian and Chris. I am not sure what reaction I expected to this post. I'm glad you see the humor in it, but I also expect people to be scared and perhaps angry. While we fortunately do not live under rules such as these, we do live under implicit rules along the same lines, and sometimes they have dire consequences, as the two links at the end show.
ReplyDeleteI will keep your e-mail in a safe place, just in the case that we need to create a resistance movement.
ReplyDeleteGood blog, you're very good cartoonist and you have a great sense of humor.
I am your new follower and now I got lots of cartoons to see.
Welcome Luis, thank you very much for your comment. Resistance movement - lol, yes!!! We will rise up against our oppressive rule-mongers!
ReplyDelete"Mother farkle nugget on a stick" is the funniest thing I have heard all day! Thank you so much Matt, I really needed that laugh today.
ReplyDeleteYes, I work in retail and it is often difficult to put that smile on your face all day long and be nice to people. I don't think others realise just how draining that can be at times. By the time I get home, all I want is to be a loner.
Good luck with your new job!
Big hugs!
Laura
You're welcome Laura. I can imagine it would be draining. Hopefully no one comes around with a ruler to ensure your smile is up to code.
ReplyDeleteAh that is so funny! I have very mixed feelings about teaching my autie son social rules, when most of the time I'd rather be more like him.
ReplyDeleteLike Laura, I used to work with the public (as a nurse) and it can be exhausting being "sociable"...I much prefer a good book, a mug of tea and my own company. Genius post! XXX