Today is the 3rd Annual Autistics Speaking Day. It also marks my third year of writing about autism. I have much to be thankful for this past year: the chance to create an animated short, to travel with the Juniper Hill crew, and to publish my second book. I am glad many of you continue to come here for laughs and insight. But often, when living with autism, there are no laughs or insight. The reality is that my daily life remains dominated by my inability to understand and coexist with other people.
I prefer to feel in control of my environment, and other people introduce chaos into it. They disrupt my equilibrium. They pop in and out, as it meets their needs and not mine. They are too fast, and too loud. Other autistic people are no easier for me to deal with than NT's. People irritate me. Or perhaps I irritate myself through my own discomfort and inability to articulate myself. Regardless, I find I deal best with others at a safe distance.
Most of my time is spent at the office or at home. I’m good at my job, and autism is a big reason for that. My work requires perfect accuracy, and perfection is what I deliver. I have a purpose in the workplace. I’ve learned the structure and I excel within it. It’s a foreign tongue sometimes, one that speaks with Important Words, like pursuant, and execute, and the delta, but I’ve become conversant in the language. I assimilate to ensure my survival.
Autistic people have no choice but to assimilate. Yet, we also desire to withdraw to our comfort zone, where we feel in control. This internal conflict threatens to drive us out of our minds, as Adam Bailey describes in a piece called Islands.
Our islands are awesome, but only to us. An island cannot simply fit into a school or workplace setting. Most others cannot feel comfortable on our islands, because it is so odd there. We cannot feel comfortable leaving our islands for very long, because it is so odd outside them.
It takes a perfect balance all the time in order to get by, and as soon as we stop working as hard, things get really difficult really quick.
Maybe in the workplace, assimilation is easier, because I have a clearly defined role. Maybe those of you who share a household also find it a comfortable fit, within easily definable parameters. But outside of familiar environments, there are simply too many unknowns. At times, sanity demands avoiding such uncertainty.
Leo Kottke sings in his song, “Tiny Island,”
I wish I had a tiny island floating in the sea. Palm trees sway, don't get in the way, it's a tropical ease. And everywhere that I keep my silence, no sound returns to me. Just endless waves at the end of our days, the sighing of the seas.
Given the option, I believe I would cast off the civilized life for my own tiny island. I find solitude the most comfortable state, and increasingly, my lifestyle leaves no room for others.
I’ve grown less hopeful about autism acceptance by the greater community. I know the world will not change for me. So I have fewer laughs and insights to share with you in this space. A few successes doesn't make it easier to navigate a daily existence that drifts from mundane to chaotic. As Adam says, this is how I am, the real-life me. Man wasn’t meant to live on his own tiny island. So why does it seem so enticing?
By now, I hope you've all watched the Flummox &
Friends pilot! If not, then go see it here. Today, we'll go behind the scenes of how my animated
short got made.
I was approached by Executive Producer Christa Dahlstrom around
the end of last year about being involved, and I knew immediately I wanted to be
a part of it. First, I needed to write a script. The idea came from the
theme of the episode, which is a party. I decided to use Fuzzy and Dinky
Doughnuts, and simply show two very different reactions to receiving a party
invitation.
The most challenging part was the ending. I had to answer the question, what
actually works in overcoming a child’s resistance once they’ve put their foot
down? This was where I had to do research. I ended up going to message boards
to hear how actual parents had dealt with such a situation successfully. The strategies I found made it into the script. So when Dinky understands Fuzzy is uncomfortable
about the party, he can first tell him, "That's okay." Then, he can offer him reasons for
going without any pressure, so Fuzzy ultimately agrees to go.
After the script was approved, the next step was the
drawings. Having never done animation before, I didn’t know how many drawings were needed, so I just did as many as I thought were necessary to show the level of detail. This ended up being 50 drawings. You can see some of them here, including a few that didn't make the final cut!
Around the same time, we started to talk about voices. I
told Christa I had a strong interest in doing the voice of Fuzzy, since some of my favorite cartoons are voiced by their creators. It wasn't clear how we might do this, with our being on two different
coasts. However, Christa found a way to make it happen! As with many other
aspects of this project, she understood I had a vision for the final product and
allowed me to follow that, for which I am very grateful.
So what we did was record my part in a studio local to me,
and actor Perry Whittle recorded
Dinky's part in California. I had
also tape-recorded a “scratch track” with a friend reading Dinky’s part
to demonstrate how it should sound. Some amusing discussions arose as we worked
on the final takes. At one point I was giving very specific directions on the pronunciation of
“Wooff.” It was not to be an actual dog bark, but a more
literal, John Elder Robinson-esque utterance. That was a detail we had to get
right.
From there, the drawings and audio went to animator Jed Bell to morph into action using Adobe After
Effects. We went through a couple rounds of reviews to iron out the details
like timing. Then sound effects were added, and we had our finished cartoon. I'm
really pleased with how it turned out.
People have asked what it’s like to see my characters
animated. Keep in mind that Fuzzy and Dinky go back over 25 years to notebook
paper doodles. (Have you read their origins? If not check themout here.) So for
people to see them on the screen is mind-blowing, all the more so in the
context of an important show like "Flummox and Friends."
Is there the possibility of more cartoons? I'd love to see
"Flummox" get picked up and seen widely, and if so, I absolutely hope
to do more animated shorts. The success of Flummox & Friends really
depends on all of you demonstrating a demand. So if you want to see more, take this survey to share your feedback with the producers, and share the pilot with
everyone you know. The first time was certainly a learning process, so given
the opportunity, there's the potential for many more adventures of Fuzzy and
friends!
P.S. - Flummox and Friends is coming Monday, September 17th. Visit flummoxandfriends.com to watch the pilot for free. You can watch it online, or download a copy to watch anytime on your computer or iPad!
PS - Flummox and Friends is coming in just a few weeks! This offbeat, live-action comedy is the first TV show for kids with autism or other social or emotional struggles to promote acceptance, rather than expectations to change. The pilot episode includes a Dude, I'm An Aspie short! More details soon. Until then, enjoy this teaser.
